Indulging in feasts, dancing like nobody's watching, laughter that shakes your core, and lovemaking that ignites the stars—aren't these the things we humans yearn to be wrapped up in? Doesn't it simmer within us, that primal sense of purpose?  

Only what happens when you don’t feel connected to any of it? What happens when all you see is the never ending to-do list, the ‘wrong’s of life and other’s choices, and the way it feels that at any moment it can all spin madly out of control, chaos will rain down, the apocalypse will arrive and everything will be destroyed. And it will be all your fault. (panting, panting) 

Yikes. That turned dark and stormy quickly didn’t it? 

I’m willing to bet though that similar catastrophic thoughts run through your mind multiple times a day.

Sometimes, even bringing friends—racing heartbeats, shallow breaths, and a general sense that the world's about to implode. You know, the Panic Attack in 4k experience.  

Bet you've got your "I'm totally fine" mask locked and loaded for when someone asks how you're doing, complete with that convincing smile. It's a classic move—shift the spotlight away from you while appearing to genuinely care about the other person. We're all masters of this social dance, aren't we? 

We as humans are so gloriously flawed. Yearning for permission to be ourselves and yet, scared to death of what that actually looks like. Wanting to be relaxed, healed, whole, but resistant to dive in, go deeper and do the work.  

Just to be clear, there is no judgment here. I self-sabotaged for years (drinking too much, smoking, eating way too much chocolate and other crap, lost my temper, told myself horrible stories, etc) – Toxic habits and relationships? I embraced them like I was getting paid for it. Pain and suffering? My loyal companions. And who do we blame for these wounds? Everyone but ourselves, of course. I'd sprinkle a dash of half-hearted efforts into the mix, only to smirk in the face of their failure and proclaim, " you see, I knew it wouldn’t work. I’m broken.’ 

Meanwhile, deep within, I knew this wasn't the real me, the path I was meant to tread, or the destination I consciously aimed for. Yet, despite my restlessness, I avoided diving into the treacherous waters of self-realization and healing. Too hard, too messy, way too scary. Sound familiar? If you're nodding, take a deep breath. These next bits might hit close to home.  

1.    The "I'm Fine" Charade

If this were a DNA strand, it would be embedded throughout all my systems. We all have it. It's in our DNA, passed down through generations like a beloved, albeit dysfunctional, family heirloom.

And like most toxic things you may not see it for what it really is because this phrase is part of your existence, you identify with it and it feels ‘normal.’ Don’t be fooled.  

Your cells are always listening and words are your wand, your bond, spells – whatever works for you – words are powerful and “I am” is one of the most powerful programming statements that exist.  

When you speak into reality, “I’m fine” but you’re energetically not, you both simultaneously send out the frequency ‘FINE.NO.’ and block access to the resources that would actually help you achieve ‘FINE. YES!’  

Personally, I hope you’re reaching for happy, joyful and amazing, but if that feels like a stretch at the moment, then at “fine” is a dandy place to start. Authenticity is your compass—when you say what you mean, mean what you say, you're on a soul-centered path. 

2.   The Perpetual Motion Machine

This is another one of those insidious behaviours because our culture glorifies busy-ness. ‘Successful’ people work overtime, they work on vacation, they feel bad if they are not working. (Ugh, gag.) ‘Good’ moms (and dads – stress is equal opportunity for anyone trying their best after all) always have a game or a performance or a practise they are shuffling their kids off to. Then they have to do laundry, make dinner, go shopping, boink their spouse (I said what I said – want to make sure you’re still with me) and perhaps, but probably not, squeeze in some “me” time. (I heard you roll your eyes just now, btw). 

And why are you ruining your nervous system and sending yourself into adrenal fatigue? People Pleasing 101,201, 301 – all the levels. That’s why. And if that weren’t enough, it’s also because deep down, you are scared as hell to actually STOP. Full Stop with the period and everything. What? You? No. You say with a shallow laugh and a side eye.  

Yes, you. Because if you were to stop then you would be forced to acknowledge and maybe even listen to the stream of consciousness in your head. Only your head isn’t the safest place for you, is it? Been there! I can tell you though – learning that my mind is a tool and not dictator was a game changer. Yes, your head can be your haven, your playground of problem-solving, dreams, and wonder. Safe and sound, just like your soul-self intended. 

Does it take practice? Absolutely. It's like taming a wild garden overrun by weeds, but trust me, the end result—contentment, tranquility—is worth the effort. Your soul-self loves hanging out there, by the way. 

3. The Magic Wand Syndrome

In the early energy-curious days, I collected crystals, essential oils, and affirmations like they were nuggets of gold. Each purchase carried with it the promise of calm, clarity, happiness, confidence, ease… you get the idea. The scent did calm me, the crystal felt good to have around and I enjoyed the repetition of the affirmation – like listening to rain fall or the gently tuning of the wheels on the expressway, it was soothing. Only, you guessed it – it didn’t last. Soon enough, I’d be at the store buying another crystal that called to me, or online enrolling in another class.  

Don’t get me wrong – they helped, like a crutch helps. But if you mistake walking with a crutch because you’ve used it so long or you’re so used to it – then this is a problem. Pulling cards, holding crystals, making rollerballs soothed my anxiety, stress and overwhelm in the moment, but they needed to be re-applied, re-used and re-imbibed often. 

Eventually, I came to realize these were only meant to support the real work. I couldn’t simply dress up the outside without doing something about the inside.  Changing habits, behaviours, thoughts, beliefs – the actual work, or Shadow Work (cheers to Jung for that term) is the real magic wand. You are a multi-dimensional being and require a multi-dimensional approach – a stable approach that hits all the levels, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.  And sometimes that requires an ugly cry, a ‘come to Jesus’ moment, and thorough reckoning of your boundaries and what thoughts you allow to rent space to in your mind. 

Your soul wants to dance, sing, and play. And the more you heal, the more you are able to express your unique soul swagger – even while still doing the dishes!

To learn more about Shadow Work, you can also check out this video: